Love Isn't Easy...

February 14, 2019

love
... until the right one comes along.

It took me nearly three years to write this story, but here goes.

Three years ago, I went through a major heartbreak. I was engaged to someone whom I was with for over 10 years, someone I met freshman year of college, someone who eventually left me for someone else he was having an affair with for months. When I found out, I didn't leave. I forgave him and, now looking back, begged him to stay. We went to counseling but four months later, he left (they are now married). That day, he called my mom to tell her to tell me that he wasn't coming home. Just like that, he was gone. I was devastated, my world fell apart. I was crying everyday for months but eventually I had to try to move on. I soon realized that I held onto that relationship for way longer than I should have but at least I can say I gave it my best.

I downloaded ALL the apps (Tinder, Bumble, Raya and Hinge) and began dating again pretty quickly. I was obviously not over my relationship and so I was dating all the wrong guys. Not gonna lie, I can't even tell you how many dates I've been on in the last two years. There was this period where I went on 7 dates in 5 days. How? I don't even know! Dating was easy, but finding someone on the same page as you is very rare. Most of them only lasted 2-3 dates, the few whom lasted 3-4 months eventually 1) realized he wasn't over his ex 2) decided that work is his priority 3) was intimidated by my success 4) used me 5) "didn't know what he wanted". I was disappointed and discouraged, to the point where I would say "I hate men."

Truth is... I wasn't ready to date, hence I was attracting guys who were also not ready. I jumped right into the dating pool after my break up because I was afraid to be alone and I thought distracting myself with other guys would be a way for me to heal. Man, was I wrong!

Fast forward to sometimes during January of last year, I had just gotten back from spending two weeks by myself in Paris. I was happier about being in LA and I felt like I got this whole dating app thing out of my system. I was still dating but I was much pickier with whom I was having a conversation with and I wouldn't easily meet up with people. Mark and I matched on Bumble and we were briefly talking until he wrote "I am going to be off the app for an indefinite period of time..." We haven't met in person and we only chatted for a few days so I thought, "Ok thanks for letting me know but I don't really care." Fast forward 7 months later in August, I received a message in my Bumble inbox from him saying hello. We started talking again. Apparently he had gotten off the app because he was dating another girl and wanted to give it a shot. That is something super rare with guys on dating apps nowadays so I totally respected and appreciated that. Mark and I decided to meet and went on a date. I had a lovely time but I was also casually seeing someone else which I was stupidly infatuated with. So when Mark asked me out again the next day, I said I just wanted to be friends. He said ok. Long story short... over that weekend, the other guy I was interested in totally flaked on me and I was, of course, DEVASTATED. Somehow, I ended up telling Mark about this guy. At that same exact time, a bird had flew into my kitchen window and I was also telling Mark about the bird. I sent him a photo of the bird sitting on my kitchen counter and he told me it was a morning dove. I calmed down as I was talking to him and an hour later the bird peacefully flew out the window. Googled symbolism of dove. Yes, it was a sign. And that night, he asked me out again and the rest is history.

It's been a long time coming. Right away, I knew it was different. It was easy. Not once did I doubt/question his intention. Before we know it, we were inseparable. Two months later, I was making pancake one morning and I jokingly said "What if I drop this bowl and it splatters everywhere?" Mark responded, "Then I would break up with you." And I was like, "We are together?"

Everything really does happen for a reason. Looking back now, I am so glad I didn't end up marrying that guy. I definitely dodged a bullet! And if it wasn't for all the other guys that didn't work out, I would have never found Mark. Every fling/relationship helped me figure out what I want, what I like, and what I shouldn't tolerate. I guess I am sharing all of this with you because I want you to know that heartbreaks take time to heal and that it is absolutely ok to be sad and angry. You are going to feel all sorts of emotion and that's ok. Feel all the feels, focus on yourself, discover new things about yourself. And when you are ready to date, have no expectations. These are things you can't rush or force. When you do meet the right person, you will know and so will he. It will just work.

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